Am I a Troll?

4:37 PM

"Rach, am I a troll?!", my concerned friend burst out as we walked up the street.
 I couldn't help busting up at this out of the blue statement and as I looked into her gorgeous, blue eyes, I assured her that she most definitely was not a troll. :-) It was one in a series of many conversations of late with girls and guys asking why they were alone. Yes, I thought to myself, Valentine's is most definitely in the air. As we passed almost nauseatingly, happy couples, I couldn't help but feeling the hurt of my friend and remembering old wounds of my own. For some reason this time of year doles out self-hatred by the heaps. For some people this reaches so deeply into their hearts as to make them question if they are, in fact, trolls. From my standpoint, I see three main camps of Valentiners and their totally different reactions to this most controversial of holidays.

Camp #1- The Gourmand
The Gourmand is defined in the thesaurus as someone who rates quantity higher than quality.

This camp is usually inhabited by those admitted singles who honor this day with an almost cultic fervor dedicated to the burning of pictures and paraphernalia of past loves and stuffing their face with any and every form of chocolate known to mankind.

Items required: Quadruple chocolate ice cream with a side of whipped cream to be eaten in a manner which would shock and repulse most of Western civilization. This must, of course, be accompanied by films of unrequited love and/or death or something from the Jane Austen realm. These 14th of February zombies will, on the 15th, wake up from their chocolate hangover, wipe the Nutella off their faces, and appear charmingly at work, disguising an evening of which the world will never know.

Camp #2 The Twitterpated

Camp 2 is a startling contrast to camp 1.  The Twitterpated live, in the eyes of the Gourmand, a charmed life; a fairytale enriched by the love of their life, or at least some poor wretch who can be dragged out to dinner with all appropriate decorum. The Twitterpated hold high ideals of this "magic holiday," ideals, that have secretly sprung out of one too many Valentine's Days inhabiting camp 1. Pushing their formerly annual binge and purge routine to the back of their minds, they focus on a Disneyland paradise of imagination in which they will be swept away on the wings of love. And some lucky ones will! The others however, might have to spend an evening wiping the pea soup off their outfit, spilled by some nervous date who couldn't take the mounting pressure. They will, at the very least, leave the night  congratulating themselves that they spent the evening with people and stayed away from the tub of Moose Tracks ice cream waiting ever so patiently in their freezer.

Finally I come to camp #3 the Blissful Fatty 

Although I tend to swerve between camps, I can most often be found in this one. We are the few, who with fatty hearts and minds, wait expectantly for the post Christmas buzz to wear off before the new Valentine's Day stock comes in, because, let's admit it, we love chocolate, sweet tarts, and candy hearts filled with the unknown expectation of either ecstasy or agony, mousse or cherry filled, repulsion or delight. Although we are often mistaken for the gorging camp #1ers, we revel in our fatty glory, and partake of "the season" with childlike, whimsical delight. We are far less likely to send flowers to ourselves than to buy out half of Kmart like a crazed person driven mad by a Valentine's blue light special. We often disguise ourselves and raid a camp #1 pity party in order to have a good time! To us," Sense and Sensibility" or "Never Been Kissed" are our yearly crack, taken with the utmost frivolity and avidly awaited the whole year long.

     I  talk almost weekly to someone whose heart is aching most especially this time of year and although I would love to tell you, "Eat, drink, and be fatty with me!", I know that that's only a bandaid to some really deep hurt. What I would say, and you'll despise me for hearing it again, is that this is a season in your life, a season that was meant to be. If you are single, God is allowing it. His purposes are very different in every life and maybe it will take you longer to find a spouse than your friends. (It's like baby season on Facebook right now! Anybody noticing this?!!!) What makes me the saddest when I talk to single girls and guys, is that they often question what's wrong with them ("Am I a troll?") and why God would be so cruel as to leave them alone, especially if they're already going through a time of great heartache. And I don't have all the answers for that, though I'll be your listening ear anytime you need one. But one thing I can say, is that God is crazy about you. I think He wants you to know that. There are so many expectations I have for my future spouse, how he'll treat me, the things he'll say, the way he'll make me feel....but in my heart I am coming to realize that there's no way he can meet all those hungers, those needs. I've written it often here before, that the most satisfying times of my life were spent in the presence of Jesus. Perhaps He feels far away to you right now. Perhaps you spend every night crying yourself to sleep and Valentine's Day is just one more reason to feel that empty ache in your heart. Sometimes, I think our hearts just need to awaken to the love they've already been given. If you know Jesus, if you've asked Him into your life, you are already as loved as you're ever going to be and there is already someone who's more closely at your side than any spouse could ever be. He knows your thoughts before you think them, your words before you speak them, and the number of hairs on your head-grey or not (oh bother...). One of my favorite verses talks about His keeping your tears in a bottle. I often wonder if He's ever cried with me. Somehow I think He has. Every time I go building up that prince in my head, I sense that He's already here, He's already in my life, and He's just waiting for me to turn around and love Him. Don't let His love be unrequited. Don't spurn Him or hurt Him that much. And someday, when the time is right, He will lead you to that person, that love along the way, and if they're the right one, they'll love Him too. "A three-fold cord is not quickly broken." -Ecc. 4:12
So, even if you're feeling a lot more like this: 

                                                           and..... not so much like this:


There is a happily ever after for you in store, you just gotta reach out and take it. Be blessed dear friends during this Valentines season. Oh, and hey, if you hear of any chocolate scarfing, Jane Austen fests, just um...let me know, okay?

Check out my friend Erin's blog about 4 Tips for Valentine's Day!

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