A Sexy Blog

8:01 PM

    A while back a friend of mine was dating the man of her dreams. He was tall, fun, attractive, and a Christian all rolled into one! Although they were fairly sure they were going to get married, they decided as believers that it was honoring to the Lord to save sex for marriage. And then things got serious. I remember one of many conversations with my friend, “It’s so hard!” “Sometimes without even meaning to it ends up being too far, too much, and I feel so guilty afterwards!”  They managed to find a balance, though it wasn’t easy and it often was hard on their relationship.  After they had been married, she told me “Rachel, it was so worth it. There’s something holy about sex that I never could have conceived outside of marriage. I only wish we’d saved more.”  That encouraged me so much I thought I’d share it with you. 
What follows are helpful hints from people of all stages of life, married, single, dating, or whatever. Intermingled with my sage advice ;) is their wisdom, thoughts, and candor. Hope you enjoy!

#1.  Make the Decision

     The back seat of your boyfriend’s car might not be the place to do this. Before you ever step into the car, before he/she ever steps into your life, you have to know whether you’re planning on saving sex for marriage. If you’re a follower of Jesus, there are a heck of a lot of reasons to say, “I won’t”, before saying, “I do.” I’ve written about this topic in a few other blogs: Sex and McDonald's , It's a Beautiful Disaster , Dear Boy. My good friend Erin, over at Sweetness Itself, is also someone who has spoken often and quite well about the issue of saving sex for marriage.

‘One quote from a friend that has always stayed with me is, "Never do anything with a boyfriend you wouldn't want your future husband to have done with an ex-girlfriend."- Simple, but such a challenging thought!’
                                                      Anonymous- Northern Ireland


#2 How Far Is Too Far?

Sitting at a Bible study with our pastor and six male interns surrounding me (leaving me the only female in the room), we began our discussion on the issue of premarital sex. I can assure you, it was, by far, the most awkward three hours of my life. Phrases like, “Don’t touch anything you don’t have,” became forever embedded in my brain, as well as the honest questions of these six, healthy, young guys. Aside from it being a female nightmare, it was very enlightening. Before that moment, I hadn’t put too much thought into this topic. I had known since I was a teenager that I would save sex for marriage, but I’d never really delved into what constituted giving myself away. I’m not going to go into details on the internet, for obvious reasons, though you're welcome to email me with questions or opinions! 
    What I really feel is lost in this entire question is the whole fact that my body isn’t my own. It doesn’t come down to, “How much can I get away with?”, but about not taking advantage of someone who cares about me, not giving myself and my heart carelessly, and respecting the God of the universe who’s decided it’s a good plan to take up residence in my body. Anything you’re doing, you’re bringing Jesus into. Yup, He’s there the whole time. If that doesn’t mess with your mind, I don’t know what will.

"In the '80's I was one of the judges for Josh McDowel's writing contest, "WHY WAIT?" (He was writing a book on the subject). I forget how many entries he had from young people, but I was one of the judges when they'd been whittled down to 500 entries. Out of those 500 young people, only two had waited for marriage. All of the other 498 people had deeply regretted not waiting (even those who had engaged in sex the night before their wedding regretted it!). That always made an impression on me. They gave their various reasons for regret....mostly it had to do with the negative effect it had on their marriage."-Kathy Rogers, missionary

#3 Don’t Put Yourself in Compromising Positions

Let’s go back to the backseat of your boyfriend/girlfriend’s car, or rather, let’s not, ‘cause chilling out there is not the best idea in the world for a couple trying to wait. Sleepovers? Also a bad plan. Let’s be honest, unless you’re a little girl in the third grade, there's probably more than innocent pillow fights going on. Public, well lit places are your best bet for making it through the tumultuously, murky waters of singledom.

"It may be short, but something my mom said to me has really affected and guided me. And this applies to dating too. She said that the more you give away of yourself, either in body or heart, the less you leave for your husband. Save yourself so that in your marriage you may give all to your loved one. It has always struck me as very profound in its simplicity."  -Okla Griffith, California

#4 Date Carefully 

You saw her across the room; smoking body, bleached blonde hair, caked on lipstick, a dress leaving oh, so little to the imagination. She must be…..the woman of your dreams! NOT! If you are looking for a one night stand, a short term relationship, or someone to fill the gap in your achy breaky heart, then by all means proceed. If you are attempting to love the Lord with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, you might wanna rethink this one. But sometimes it’s not so obvious. Sometimes you have to get to know a person before you can tell whether you’re on the same page or not. Rebecca St. James has often said that the best advice she ever received was to date until you’re sure they’re not the one.

“To paraphrase something that our premarital counselor told us regarding sex outside of marriage: Waiting for physical intimacy until marriage is closely related to remaining faithful to your spouse after marriage. If you or your spouse couldn't control your desires, even for each other, enough to wait for your wedding day, how do you know you will be able to control your desires for others once wedded? It becomes a trust issue, and virtually no one thinks of that.” – Ann Amaral, USA

#5 Keep Your Heart Pure

This one is probably the hardest of all. In this world addicted to sex, living counter culturally is challenging, to say the least. "Guard your heart above all else, for it is the source of life." Proverbs 4:23  For me, that means being careful what television and movies I watch and even what I read. Those little Christian romance novels have some dodgy bits, let me tell you! For you, it might mean surrendering other things, but can I tell you, the Lord will meet you half way on this. What at first may seem a monumental struggle, will end in peace and contentment with your life that you couldn't get any other way. Sure, you'll have your moments, but you'll be living a life that's pleasing to yourself, and more importantly, pleasing to God. I fully believe He'll reward that with His smile, and His blessings upon your life. There are some pretty huge benefits from walking with Him, not the least of which is His nearness and His nearness is for our good.

images via tumblr and pinterest and dipity.com

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  1. I loved all the images you featured with this pots. Especially the last one -- "The struggle is part of the story." So true! Also, the premarital sex discussion with all males definitely sounds awkward! Glad that's over with, huh!? :)



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