A Gnome's Tale

11:25 AM

Sitting on the patio of a mobile home in what could only be described as gale force winds, you could almost imagine Dorothy's tornado swooping across the nearby desert sands to transport you into Oz. Ohhh, would that it had. 

     Anyone who knows me knows that I don't do mornings. So, for me to be up at 6:30 a.m on a Saturday, was nothing short of raising the dead. As I joined the Zombie Apocolypse that early morning, I sat in hope that this garage sale would be worth it. I was going to raise money for my trip to Thailand! Get ready, YWAM, Rachel is on the move! However as the winds picked up and I was forced to chase bouncing stuffed bunnies across the grass who were beginning to look more and more like their real life counterparts, I suddenly caught the unmistakeable aroma of Thai food. My stomach rumbled. There hadn't been a moment to spare for breakfast. Our lovely Thai friend, Ratana, whose home we were at, had decided to cook breakfast and one could be sure it was a goin' to be noodles! Preparing myself mentally for this thoroughly nontraditional breakfast food while berating myself for being such a white girl for craving raisin bran, I smiled and accepted the sweet offering. 


     As I sat there, slurping up noodles without any of the Asian delicacy that seems to come so naturally to those people, I watched a car pull up in front of our goods for sale. Straining my neck to see what they were so closely examining, my eye fell upon a lone lawn gnome that sat ever so casually reading on the table, back up, feet in the air, with a book in his hand that was just so delicious, he couldn't bear to turn the page.

     Looking vaguely around at our other items, the SUV quickly sped away. "Interesting find," I thought to myself. To my surprise, another vehicle came up, slowly looked around at the other things, and then zeroed in on the gnome. After that, people came off the street, casually looking at a pillow or two, occasionally picking up a Thai fan, but always ending up back at the gnome. But oh, they didn't stop there! They picked him up, beat him on the table to ascertain that he was real gnome fiber, I can only guess. They checked his price tag, hemmed and hawed, and finally left.This left me burning with questions. Are there proper vs. improper gnomes? Is this some sort of viral craze I know nothing about? What exactly does one look for when purchasing a gnome? "Well, this one's made of plastic, while the other is a firm ceramic ."
"This one retains the traditional pointed hat, while these others have the inverted flop."

Sexy Gnome

                                                                 Angry Gnomes

                                                                 Working Gnome

                                                                     Love Gnome
Finally, one die hard fan, after going through all of the generally accepted gnome inspections, lost the battle with herself and bought gnomey. Handing over the $5, she looked me in the eye, smiled, and informed me that she had plenty of other gnomes, implying he wouldn't lack company.

"Well, he's always got his book." I mumbled sarcastically, and answered slightly louder, "Oh, so you collect them?"
The woman seemed reluctant to reply, leaving me imagining whole lawn gnome communities, hard at work on mini windmills, making friends with pink flamingos, or coming out of chipper gnome dwellings, and there, in the midst of them all, my lazy little friend, feet propped in the air, just enjoying his book. As she left, she informed me he'd still be in the park, inferring I could always visit. By that time I'd grown rather attached to the old boy who was really the remains of a college joke.
As the wind picked up and it soon became apparent, "We wouldn't be in Kansas anymore," if we stuck around, I began to load up not only all of our garage sale stuff, but also the left overs from our Thai friend. Sitting in the car on the way home, I realized that the gnome and a random book were our sole purchases of the day. Smiling at the ridiculousness of the situation, I turned to my mother, "Well, at least I made 6 bucks!" With sudden chagrin, I remembered I had given change to someone and had never gotten the money back from our friend. I was now out $12 and had lost a gnome in the bargain, while attaining a whole lot of other junk that most likely wouldn't sell at the next garage sale either! Surveying our room full of antiquities, it might be more aptly named a "garbage sale." If only I had another gnome to draw them in......

images via pinterest, vanderbilt.edu, fanpopcorn.com, dreamstime.com, mooseyscountrygarden.com and thatswhyimbroke.com

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  1. Yay for missions trips! I didn't realize gnomes were so popular.

  2. Hey there! Just stoppin' by from the GFC blog hop! I just wanted to let you know I'm following all of your social networks and via GFC :o) Please feel free to stop by my site; you can find me here:

    Blog url






    1. Why brilliant, thank you :-). I'll have to stop by!

  3. I had no idea that gnomes were so popular! The sexy gnome sort of cracks me up.

  4. haha... hilarious. love it.. =)

    1. Thanks! Amazing how a bad day can be hilarious at the end of it :0)

  5. Haha love these gnomes, so cute and funny :) xx


  6. Hey Rachel!! I heard it was your birthday today, (Via Erin) and wanted to wish you the happiest of birthdays. I hope your day was truly wonderful, and that this year is full of unexpected treasures.
    Happy Birthday Girl!!! :)


  7. Wizard of Oz is awesome. The way the wind is blowing here lately, when I go outside I feel like yelling "Auntie Em, Auntie Em...Uncle Henry!" The way Dorothy yelled upon returning home when the tornado was coming. or I think of that song that plays when they show the mean old lady riding her bicycle in the sky (the one that turns into a witch).

    Ha ha gnomes...we saw some at Wal-Mart recently and they were made out to be like thug gnomes... like with gold bling chains, saggy pants backward ball caps and tough looks on their little chubby faces. It was odd. (sort of like a few Easters ago when my husband found a chocolate bunny that was called texter bunny, it had a cell phone and was texting away)

    I think the gnomes got more popular with people after that Travelocity gnome got popular. It was on Amazing Race or one of those shows a few years back. Maybe people were checking to see if the gnomes were those kind.

    Thanks for following my blog.

    I saw your tiny little picture pop up on my sidebar on gfc...and thought, Oh my, I have a follower!... but the downside is that google friend connect is going away soon I think.

    I have to hurry up and get this blogging thing figured out! I guess most people have facebook, twitter, and all sorts of other accounts so that people can follow in different ways, I better get with the program if gfc is really going away cause that's all I have right now.

  8. oops sorry for such a long comment..sometimes I ramble.


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