How to Get the Girl

7:33 PM

     "That waitress is hot," grinned one of my best guy friends with barely contained glee.  "I wonder if she's really tall though." 
We schemed different ways for him to measure his height with hers. 
"Stand up really quickly when she comes and act like you're just heading to the bathroom!"
      I laughed at this oh, so typical conversation of ours. As we left the restaurant I grabbed my friends arm and offered him this advice, "If you want to ask a girl out, find something you really like about her, her eyes, for example. Then say something like, 'I couldn't help noticing what beautiful eyes you have. That's why I wanted to ask you if you'd be up for a cup of coffee with me sometime.' When said with sincerity, she'll met like butter," I said.
"It took you two years to tell me THAT" he teased.

     Six months later I'm sitting in a coffee shop with a girl friend of mine trading awkward dating stories.
     "Where are all the good, Christian guys?" she moaned. We both agreed that though we'd been asked out by "really, really, ridiculously, good looking" non-Christian guys, our encounters with Christian ones were pretty dang awful. I'd seen so many girls throwing their hands up in frustration believing that Christian men are either married or extinct. I know way too many excellent Christian guys to believe that, but there is something seriously flawed in the way we relate to each other. 
   I often hear guys saying that women give them mixed signals and that they feel like Christian women are sharking (a very appropriate Northern Irish term for creeping after a dude). And I know way too many Christian girls who've just thrown in the towel and married a non-Christian, leading to some really hard stories. All that being said, I thought I'd let you guys in on a Christian girl's perspective of this whole minefield of Christian dating. So, here follows a few tips on how to get the girl.


#1. Get your relationship with God in order

    From my standpoint, this is THE single greatest downfall in all relationships, be they friendships, dating relationships, or even marriages. You want to be a great guy? Hang out with the greatest guy who ever lived. He might just have some tips for ya there. And, let me tell you, a guy following after God is the biggest attraction to every Christian female I know. In fact, it's at the top of all their "must have" lists.

#2. Identify target

    Girls hate, hate, hate feeling like a guy is going from one girl to the next trying to figure out whom he likes best. Not only does it make her feel worthless, it causes a catty war the likes of which you've never seen. You think Hitler and Stalin were a pair; wait for a couple of females competing over a guy.

#3. Actually be interested in her

     I once had a guy tell me he wanted to know what I was thinking when I woke up in the morning and as I went about my day; what gave me joy and what caused me pain. How to make a woman fall head over heels!! Truly find out who she is. This will also help you better ascertain whether she really is somebody worth spending your life with, or someone you're just attracted to.

#4. Tell her what you like about her

    Girls live off this stuff. We eat it up. I'd take one sincerely meant compliment over a hundred lines of fake poetry any day. It could be something that's running through your head already. (Nothing dirty, mind you!) Girls can spot insincerity a mile off and we run from it. This comes from our own notorious insincerity with each other. But that, is the stuff of another blog.

#5 Don't treat her like your guy friends

   If you want to get the girl and keep the girl, burping, conversations about bodily fluids, and other hot chicks are definitely not going to get you anywhere good, believe me. She may laugh and play along in the moment, but inwardly she's checking the time and praying to the good Lord in heaven for a swift escape.

#6. Chivalry is not dead

    I have rarely, if ever, met a woman who announced that she was "so offended" that a guy opened a door for her! Guys, let's be down to earth here. You are a LOT stronger than most of us. I cannot tell you how many times I've been lifting something ridiculously heavy and a group of guys will just stand there staring at me. Your opportunities to be our knight in shining armor may seem few, but in reality, when you help us with those bags of groceries, you are our hero and it means the world.


#7. Do ask her out

    This is the number one issue I find with Christian guys, although it's completely understandable. There's so much confusion about dating vs. courting and gender roles, that I find most Christian guys simply paralyzed with fear when it comes to dating. Let me just say this: just because you asked her out for a cup of coffee, does not mean she thinks you want to marry her. It also doesn't mean she wants to marry you! Sometimes I think we've started to take ourselves a little too seriously. It is okay to get to know us without committing from the get go! A lot of the trouble lies on Christian girls. We get excited when we meet a nice Christian guy and that can lead to awkward or intimidating. Although I would encourage dating with discernment, not just every female in the vicinity, don't let fear keep you from ever dating anybody at all! We don't all bite, I swear ;-).

#8. Go ahead, be a dude

     In Christian college, my "gaydar" got shot to pieces, because men were not encouraged to be real men. I witnessed more tearful breakdown from guys than girls. When you guys lose your intrinsic "guyness," we lose our femininity too. Most of us don't actually want to wear the pants, but we're forced to. We long for you to stand up and be the leaders God is calling you to be. We want to be that girl giving you a great home to come back to after a hard day's work. We need you to help us fight our battles, and most of all, we want to be proud of you. You guys have heard for so long that women long for "sensitive men." Sure, we don't want someone who is rude, mean, or even abusive, those are hardly manly qualities after all, but we do want someone that will stand up for us when the world is turning against us.

 #9. If and when you do fall for us, let us know

     So many times I've watched a guy go into a painful mourning over a girl he never dated, never even asked out, but was secretly in love with. If you don't fight for the girl you care about, someone else will. He may not even be half the man you are. I know we can be a confusing species at times, but I'll let you in on a little secret, we don't know what you're thinking either. We do need to hear those words, "Will you go out with me?" Even if we suspect there might be feelings there, it's not our job to ask you out. I know, it stinks, but it is on you :-). 

#10 Encourage her to love God more

    This is my number one qualifier for any guy I'd choose to be with. Does he bring me closer to God? It all ties back in to #1. If you love God, it's catching, it's irresistible. We will follow where you lead. The other great part about this is that once your girl is more in love with God, she's going to be a heck of a lot happier with you too! I think our main downfall as women is to idolize the men we're with. Many of you men have said that you aren't God and only He can fill that need that women try to fill up with a relationship. If a woman is in love with the Lord, she'll be better for you in every way. Basically, it's a win win.


    So, those are some tips from a girl who has not by any means got it all figured out, but has had enough counseling sessions with upset males and females to notice that there are a lot of miscommunications going on here! I wrote this because, I really do want to see you get the girl and I think many of you have all the qualities to do so lying in your hands. So, go out there and get her! And life will become a romance.


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  1. This is so so good, friend. Amazing points and so true! (Love that Marilyn Monroe quote too)

  2. This is SOOO crazy good, Rachel! Wow! Thank you so much for sharing your precious thoughts with us. So encouraging and you had amazing points.
    Keep up with it! I enjoyed reading this, as it was real and true, and helpful. Loved hearing your heart through this.



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