10 Ways to Know if He's "The One"


Having been married all of five months, I can by no means claim to be an expert on the institution. However, having just made the biggest commitment of my life, I would like to pass on some of what I've learnt in the process of vetting out possible marriage candidates. This is from a female perspective, though I suspect many of these tips could work in finding yourself a decent woman as well! 
     








#1. He Asks You Out

Although it can be extremely hard and awkward to ask a girl out, this one is a big, huge must. Even if he's calling you night and day, hanging out with you on weekends, knows all your secrets, and is your best friend, if he hasn't clarified your relationship (or you haven't,) then it might be time to move on. It might take a bit of extra flirtage to get his attention, but if that fails, you're better off moving on, even if it hurts in the moment.  If he doesn't pursue you before marriage, he sure won't afterwards. 

#2 He Loves God Before He Loves You

My biggest prayer before getting married was that God would bring me a man who loved Him more than me. I truly believe a man who is in love with God will not only lead a family in the right direction, he will constantly be changed and shaped by the power of the Holy Spirit. Marriage can be hard; we all know that. It takes God to die to yourself every day and love another person through all of their flaws and mistakes. 






#3 He's Dealt with His "Stuff"

Whether it be addictions, unhealthy relationships, or even poor financial stewardship, those broken parts of his life should be a thing of the past, or he should be actively working on them and making significant progress. It hopefully goes without saying, before marriage you'll need to deal with your stuff too!

#4 He Only Has Eyes for You

If your man is flirting with other women now, it most certainly isn't going to stop when you say, "I do." A guy who is truly committed enough to talk marriage will make a conscientious effort to change the way he relates to single women. 





#5 You're Going the Same Direction

When Nathan and I were dating, a huge possible deal breaker for us was whether I would be willing to move to Northern Ireland. He had a definite calling on his life to be there and I knew I needed to seek God to see if that calling extended to me. Thankfully, our entire relationship was hallmarked by God's guidance and direction. (And yes, I do feel called to Northern Ireland :-). ) 

#6 He Fights for You 

How does your guy react when things aren't going smoothly? When hard times come, does he look for the nearest exit or does he stick it out and fight for his woman and relationship? If you want a test of someone's real character, see what they're like in high stress situations. I'm not saying to be the source of those, but if you stay around long enough, you're bound to see what he's like in tense moments.  








#7 You Have a Real Friendship

A big problem with my previous dating relationships was that I chose to date guys I wouldn't want to hang out with in a non-romantic context. We honestly didn't have that much in common. Let's be real here ladies, a man can look like Adonis, but if he doesn't have two brain cells to rub together and all you want to discuss is your doctoral thesis...both of you are going to go out of your minds. With the right person, you can let down your walls and be yourself, no questions asked. 

#8 Your People Love Him Too

When Nathan and I were dating, I introduced him to as many of my friends and family as possible. After they got to know him a little, I invited their honest opinions and tried to listen openly to any critique they might have. Love can be blind, stupid, and deaf at times, and I knew my closest friends had been right about other guys in the past. They know me well, and if they saw something I didn't, I wanted to hear about it. 






#9 His People Respect Him 

When I met Nathan's friends and family, I paid close attention to how they treated him. Were they jokey? Rude? Taking him down a peg? Time and again, people would pull me aside and tell me what a good friend he'd been to them or how he'd gone above and beyond the call of duty. It was very enlightening. In those moments, I learned everything I needed to know about my boyfriend's character and heart. 


#10You Feel Peace

As I stood at the altar facing my new husband, I felt the presence of the Lord cover me in a way I'd never known before. I knew God was so very pleased we'd chosen each other. That peace filled our relationship in a profound way and has continued through the beginning of our marriage.  




These are clearly just a few ways to figure out whether your man is a keeper, but these points helped me keep my head when I knew I was already losing my heart!